What is a good son to do?

I'm losing my mom. Day by day, dementia and Alzheimer's is taking her away from Dad and I. My daily interactions tell me more than I want to know. My sisters, when they show up, probably don't see it to the degree that Dad and I do. But, as of late, even they would admit to seeing it.

I and my wife just came back from next door visiting them. We moved them next door several years ago because we saw part of this coming and knew in our hearts that these days would come. I don't think either of us thought it would come on this forcefully, this quickly...

The visit was instigated by Dad, calling us on the phone after dinner in a worried, almost panicky state. He said "Can you come over? Mom wants her ear rings in and I just cannot see to do it anymore. I don't know why she needs them now, but she thinks she does." Dad, fighting macular degeneration (to the extent of being legally blind)...just couldn't deal with her. He can no longer see either her ear rings, nor her ear piercings (holes) to put the ear rings in. But mostly, I fear he doesn't see anything BUT the woman he loves, he married, and said "I do" to, so long ago, and her departure...and it is tearing him apart.

I and my wife looked at each other and went over. Dad met us at the front door. Mom was in her chair, and as my wife talked to my dad, I went over and tried to talk with my mom.

"Mom, it's getting near your bedtime. Do you really want to sleep in your ear rings? Doesn't that hurt you in the middle of the night?"

"But that way I'll be pretty in the morning," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'd really like them in."

So, my dear wife came over and put them in for her...no big deal.

On the way out of the house, dad stops us on the front porch and relates to us on the porch that she was in bed, all of about 5 minutes from her normal time to be asleep, and she started to ask question after question:

• Where were her parents? (dead)
• Where were dad's parents? (dead)
• When was he going to get around to marrying her? (51+ years ago)
• ...and on and on...

This had a sincere undertone of grief that really struck me at the time (and as I started to write this blog post). Once my sadness abated a bit, I started to ask some hard questions:

• As Alzheimer's is hereditary, am I seeing a foreshadowing of my own future?
• Will I be stuck doing the same to my sweet wife?